I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
