No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Randomize
