I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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