I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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