I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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