so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
It was confusing and full of hummus
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
