The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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