just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
