mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
