I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize