Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
