it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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