You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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