god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
