Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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