If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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