sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
