Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
