I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
