I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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