Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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