Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
