Rock
Scissors
Fuck
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
