that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
