you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
