I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
