Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize