How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
