its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
