I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
