That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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