Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
