Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
