Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
