I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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