party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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