it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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