I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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