Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
