He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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