if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
