so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
