Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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