fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
