it's too hot outside to masturbate.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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