Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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