She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Someone came in the potted fern
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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