you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
