did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
