does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize