the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
