in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My ATM looks so different sober.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
