I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
