You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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