i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
