I could have mohawked her pubes.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
