I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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