does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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