I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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