True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
