That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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