I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
