Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
