Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
