I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize