He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
